Over & Over

I got pictures today. They are so cute, there's a few of Kyle and they are so cute. I forgot how hot he was. If he would of been here when I looked at those pictures I seriously would of jumped him! Anyways as soon as I get them scanned I'll post the good ones. Luvs

Beautiful Soul

This is all about my great, adorable, sweet, loving, fun, smart, sexy, and perfect best friend, Heather. Our relationship right now is the best it's ever been in our five year friendship. Wouldn't you know it, we finally stop fighting and being bitches to each other right before she has to graduate and leave me! It's alright though, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Heather is what keeps me going when I just can't take it anymore, she pushes me to my limits and beyond. I love her more than anything else in the world. She knows I would do anything for her, and I know the same about her.

The reason she has been on my mind today is because she is going through some love problems and doesn't know what to do. It rips my heart out knowing that she could be hurt by one of these guys and there's nothing I can do about it. I want to tell her who to choose and that she should just trust my judgement, but I don't know if I'm right or not. I have a good idea of who would be best for her, but I just want her to be happy. I don't know what to do because I don't want to tell her who to go with because I don't want my advice to be wrong. It's just hard when I don't know if she's going to be hurt by these other guys or if they'll treat her like the princess she is. I just don't want to be the one who ruins her chances with a great guy because I'm prejudiced by his past. O sweet misery. I'm just so happy that she finally is getting the attention she deserves from all these smokin hot guys cuz god knows, she is beautiful. I hate not having all the answers for her because she is always there for me when I'm having a hard time with something and so I just want to do the same for her.

Anyways it's late so I'll tell ya one of my favorite stories of me and Heather, but then I gotta go to sleep. So last year on my friend, Liz's B-day we all went to our friends house to party. Well a bunch of shit happened and me and heather ended up sitting outside in the freezing cold car, and crying together for hours. We talked about everything, graduation, drinking, guys, everything. Then we decided that we were going to die together. I don't mean we were going to commit suicide, I mean we decided that odds are we are going to die young and in a freak accident. So since neither one of us could live without the other, we just decided to be together as much as possible, so that then when it does come that time for a freak accident to happen, we'll be together so that neither of us has to go through life without the other. This story sounds kinda demented, but it was really sweet and something I will definitely remember forever. Here's a picture of Heather. Luvs

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Addicted to You

I'm still here, sitting at my computer, thinking about Kyle. I don't know why, but damn that boy just won't get out of my head. Anyways I was looking through some other Blogs and found these poems that made me think of him in every way.

Whenever
Whenever I see you

I see the sun

Shining through you face.

Your beautiful bright sincere smile

Makes me feel secure.

Whenever you talk to me

The world seems to become peaceful.

Your mellow sweet voice

Is assuring and very illusive,

As if I were in a dream.

Whenever you touch me

My blood rushes from my head

And I enter into a colorful array like state,

As if I were in a rainbow.

Whenever you kiss me

I feel my love running through my lips into yours

Almost making an unbreakable connection

That will Purdue through rough times

Whenever we are together

I could feel my soul lightning

Like rods in a stormy night.

Whenever we make love

I could feel you in me

And I could feel our souls Separating from our bodies,

And forming a shield of love

That nobody could penetrate.

Whenever I say I love you

I mean it

Because the butterflies in my stomach Tell me so.

Glittering Eyes
I look at your eyes

Gazing at me

My eyes need you.

You look at me

And I don’t know what to do

I can’t keep eye contact

I get nervous

I could only see your

glittery eyes

Let them glitter

Let them glisten for me

My eyes begin to water

But your eyes remain the same

I’m afraid to turn away

Or even blink

Scared that I won’t keep seeing your eyes

I beg you

Don’t stop looking at me

Look at me

Look at my eyes water for you

Can’t you see

They’re whispering“I want you!”

Ok so there you have it. My full on obsession with this kid, but damn he's so hott, in every way possible. I just want him back. Luvs

I'd Do Anything For Love

I MISS KYLE! I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Aerosmith
I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment i treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleepCause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never doI'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thingLying close to you feeling your heart beating
And i'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then i kiss your eyes
And thank god we're togetherI just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause i'd miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when i dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And i don't want to miss a thing
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing

Everything about this song reminds me of him. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't breathe, I miss everything about him and the worst part is knowing that I can't have him back.

Harder to Breathe

Went out last night and got far far far far to drunk. Somehow I ended up outside my friends house and passed out on her side lawn. It was fun though. I only drank like three bottles of BL and then a little more than half a 40 of Mickeys. But I did beer bong two of the three beers, so I guess you get what you ask for. I don't really remember much of the night after I bonged the beer, but I do remember coming home and falling all over myself trying to get inside and then falling down all my stairs and tumbling into my bed. Then my mom comes and screaming, "Who is that?" and I'm like it's just me and she's like r u drunk and i said yeah a little and shes like r u sick and i said no and she went back upstairs and went to sleep. Then Natasha being the sweetheart she is called and checked up on me. Isn't that sweet? I don't know why but I used to not like her at all, but now I think she's so sweet.

More about last night. Kyle was at the house, as in my ex-boyfriend Kyle. I didn't think it would be that hard seeing him again, but damn. All I wanted to do all night was just be around him and hug him and kiss him. Gosh I hate thinking about him. I don't know why it's so different with him, but I've never been like this with a guy before. You see my mourning process has five steps.

1. Denial
2. Crying uncontrollably
3. Remembering all the bad things about the guy
4. Talking shit about him to everyone
5. Becoming friends with them

This method has always worked before, but it's not this time. You see I skipped step one cuz it was just to in my face, so I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening. Then I did step two, but I was drunk so it doesn't really count because I couldn't talk about all the feelings that were building up in me. I've been trying to accomplish step 3, but there were no bad things that he did, the only bad thing that I can think of about him is that he has a hairy chest. I'm pathetic, I know. This in turn has totally skrewed up step four, because there is nothing to talk shit about. I figured that I could just skip them all and go to being friends with him, but I can't. I realized that last night, because everytime I see him I don't know what to do and I don't know whether I should talk to him or leave him alone cuz I don't want to seem pushy or anything. I miss him all the time and I found myself just staring at him all night just hoping that he would look in my direction. Then at around 10:15 last night, he got up and said he was leaving and just hearing the words ripped my heart out. I don't know why I feel this way, but I swear the first girl that trys to get up on him, I'm gonna kick their ass. I don't care who it is. That sounds really psycho but I don't care. I miss talking to him and waking up in his arms and kissing his neck and he always pulled away when I would lick his ear because he said it wasn't fair and holding his hand and how when we were together the world stopped and revolved just for us and nothing else mattered and how he would jump in front of me at the slightest hint of danger and how he could never find a condom when we needed one and the sound he made when I would wake him up in the morning and how he would always call top bunk or shotgun anus (inside joke) and the way he smelled. Anyways enough about Kyle.

No story today, sorry, maybe later. Luvs

I've Got Sunshine

Oh happy day. My friend Emily called today and it seriously made my day. I felt like a retard, but I actually got up and skipped around my living room. Then I called Heather and told her what a retard I was. It was choice.

I read your new entry today about the best sex you've ever had and it totally blew my mind. I totally forgot how protective mom used to be. Now all I have to do is tell her where I am going and if I'll be home by morning. I can't even think of a time that I've been grounded. That makes me feel really bad for you. I'm sorry. I'm just glad she doesn't care what I do. It is kinda weird though that my 18 year old boyfriend had to be home at midnight on weekends and ten on weekdays and I had no curfew at all! It pissed him off, but I don't care anymore, cuz I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. It's great.

I must go now cuz I have to shower cuz I smell like cabbage, don't ask why, I really don't know. But I will end with a story.

So once upon a time, in a far away land called Powell, a bunch of us stupid fucks got the idea that it would be fun to push each other across Blair's parking lot in shopping carts. Well it was all fun and games until Sarah gets in one and I push her down a little hill. I really didn't know she'd go that fast and I guess I could of pushed her in a direction other than the street, but that's life. So she goes flying off and somehow manages to turn her cart and get's it pointed right toward the hugemungus stop sign. Her sister Laura is far to protective and goes running off to try and save her, which turned out to be a very bad idea. Laura caught the cart, but then tripped and pushed it even harder into the stop sign. Sarah fell out and the cops came, it was a big ordeal, I still totally think the police over reacted.

So there's my story. O yeah I watched some of the squirrel things, they were funny as hell, but I couldn't find the santa one. Luvs

It's a Great Day to be Alive

It's only been about ten minutes since I wrote last time, but I'm so pissed off cuz I can't figure out how to get my picture on my fucking profile and I'm tired and I just really need to get laid. But I've decided that there are four reason's why it's a great day.

1. I am the only one awake, so it's finally quiet.
2. Tomorrow's Friday
3. I don't have school tomorrow
4. My sister's going to have her baby any day now

These are great reasons. I know cuz I thought of them and I am awesome, amazing, beautiful, smart, punctual, fun, loving, and I just pretty much fucking rock. Well I am smart, I guess one out of eight isn't to bad. It could of been worse. I'm really tired now and I can't think of anything to bitch about, which is rare for me. I'll end with a story.

One day in the heart of Wyoming, in the beautiful town of Powell, and I am chilling with my friends, Chad and Jeremy. I was sitting in the backseat of Jeremy's car, which has leather seats, and he decides to swerve all over the road. This wouldn't have been that exciting, but since he has leather seats I flew back and forth across the car five or six times. It was great...no really, it was. I guess you had to be there. luvs

I'm sorry I can't be perfect

If no one gets this song I am going to be very sad and probably streak naked down my street and trip and skin my knee then bleed on my carpet and then, inevitably, my cat will lick it up and get some weird disease and die, and it will be all your fault for not being as musically up to date as me.

Life Sucks! This week has brang truth to my belief that god wakes up in the morning and says to himself, "Hmmmmm..... What can I do to fuck up Ang's life today? I'll think I'll press the blue button." First I break up with my boyfriend because I think he's taking things to seriously, then I find out he thinks that I'm taking things to seriously, so we break up anyways. Then I get drunk, play strip categories with five guys and one girl, make out with the one other girl there, then flash four of the guys including my sisters ex-boyfriend (which just happens to be the father of her baby), then almost have sex with Kyle Cross in my friends bathroom. Believe me if anyone reading this knew Kyle, they would slap me across the face with a wet, rubber spoon. I don't plan on telling my sister or anyone else for that matter, because I don't remember doing it, but everyone else swears to it. Actually, I can't really say that Kyle's nasty, because I made out with him like a year and a half ago and he has the hottest body of anyone I know! But he has had sex with about 40 different girls, so I don't know.

I think I'm depressed. I mean really really psyco, send me to the loony bin, drug me up, depressed. Ok so maybe I'm exaggerating, but still. For example, yesterday I was bummed out cuz Sarah blew me off.....again, so I was sitting at home alone and I read an e-mail from my sister and i started crying. Uncontrollably. I seriously almost flooded the house. Ok maybe not but you get the picture. Then I called Heather and she didn't answer so I left a message and started crying again cuz she didn't answer her phone. Then she calls back and leaves me a message on our internet answering machine and I was so happy that she called that I started crying again!

On a lighter note, I am trying to quit smoking. It's not going to well. I seriously picked the wrong week to try to quit. This is how life goes though. I came to the conclusion today that my little sister is the cutest person in the world. It sucks. She is so much cuter than me that it isn't even funny, but I can be glad that she is eight years younger than me because atleast that way she won't steal to many guys from me. This has been a lot longer than I thought it would be. So I guess this will end my first session of venting to the great internet god. Luvs