Harder to Breathe

Went out last night and got far far far far to drunk. Somehow I ended up outside my friends house and passed out on her side lawn. It was fun though. I only drank like three bottles of BL and then a little more than half a 40 of Mickeys. But I did beer bong two of the three beers, so I guess you get what you ask for. I don't really remember much of the night after I bonged the beer, but I do remember coming home and falling all over myself trying to get inside and then falling down all my stairs and tumbling into my bed. Then my mom comes and screaming, "Who is that?" and I'm like it's just me and she's like r u drunk and i said yeah a little and shes like r u sick and i said no and she went back upstairs and went to sleep. Then Natasha being the sweetheart she is called and checked up on me. Isn't that sweet? I don't know why but I used to not like her at all, but now I think she's so sweet.

More about last night. Kyle was at the house, as in my ex-boyfriend Kyle. I didn't think it would be that hard seeing him again, but damn. All I wanted to do all night was just be around him and hug him and kiss him. Gosh I hate thinking about him. I don't know why it's so different with him, but I've never been like this with a guy before. You see my mourning process has five steps.

1. Denial
2. Crying uncontrollably
3. Remembering all the bad things about the guy
4. Talking shit about him to everyone
5. Becoming friends with them

This method has always worked before, but it's not this time. You see I skipped step one cuz it was just to in my face, so I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening. Then I did step two, but I was drunk so it doesn't really count because I couldn't talk about all the feelings that were building up in me. I've been trying to accomplish step 3, but there were no bad things that he did, the only bad thing that I can think of about him is that he has a hairy chest. I'm pathetic, I know. This in turn has totally skrewed up step four, because there is nothing to talk shit about. I figured that I could just skip them all and go to being friends with him, but I can't. I realized that last night, because everytime I see him I don't know what to do and I don't know whether I should talk to him or leave him alone cuz I don't want to seem pushy or anything. I miss him all the time and I found myself just staring at him all night just hoping that he would look in my direction. Then at around 10:15 last night, he got up and said he was leaving and just hearing the words ripped my heart out. I don't know why I feel this way, but I swear the first girl that trys to get up on him, I'm gonna kick their ass. I don't care who it is. That sounds really psycho but I don't care. I miss talking to him and waking up in his arms and kissing his neck and he always pulled away when I would lick his ear because he said it wasn't fair and holding his hand and how when we were together the world stopped and revolved just for us and nothing else mattered and how he would jump in front of me at the slightest hint of danger and how he could never find a condom when we needed one and the sound he made when I would wake him up in the morning and how he would always call top bunk or shotgun anus (inside joke) and the way he smelled. Anyways enough about Kyle.

No story today, sorry, maybe later. Luvs